Allies can have many different roles supporting people in a violence intervention. Some may be good at supporting the person you hurt. Allies can also support each other. It is important to think about who can support you.
Allies can support you to take responsibility for your harm. They are not people who will protect you from what you’ve done, or help you beat yourself up, feel worthless or wallow in guilt and self-pity. This may be a new way for you to think about friends and support.
Who can help you feel seen and understood, without supporting or excusing behaviour you are trying to change? Who can you imagine going to when you mess up, fall back into an old pattern, or use violence again? How can you see their reminders of responsibility as helpful?
Remember that someone can support the person you’ve hurt without becoming your enemy. It’s easy to see people as taking sides, but try to push yourself into seeing allies as people who will help you to stop using violence and become healthier.
About the person harmed
A good intervention will support the person you hurt—you are not in competition with them for support. They are helping you by being involved in an intervention that gives you a chance to learn and make things better.
About community allies
Most of this topic is about how to find good community allies. Allies may also need their own support. Having people who can look out for the well-being of everyone is important.
About the facilitator
This toolkit works best with a facilitator. They may be a friend, whanaunga or community member. They may be a helpful professional or someone working in an organisation who is willing to work with the values and approach behind this model.
This is a unique approach to dealing with violence and may be unfamiliar to people used to working with violence. It may even be against their policies. Your group can share this website with people who could be a facilitator and see if they are comfortable with this approach.